I see you lookin... Part 1

Job 31:1 Msg
I made a solemn pact with myself never to undress a girl with my eyes.

Do you know how many times I've heard the statement, "there's nothing wrong with looking"?   Neither do I LOL...but I've heard it from men and women, various ages, single and married.  And for those who are married or in a committed relationship, I think that this is an area that often gets avoided in conversations.  It can be uncomfortable to admit if you're looking and can be embarrassing and/or hurtful for the one who has witnessed it.  "So what's the big deal?" you say "I'm not actually doing anything" and besides that, your spouse knows that you love them.   Both may be completely true, so let me challenge you to see deeper than the surface.  Just think about it...

Intentionally looking:
An attractive girl walks in the gym (a lot of my examples come from the gym LOL). You watch her come up the stairs, walk to the stretching area and follow her periodically through her workout. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?  Now, I won't get into details, but I have heard guys talk and have talked to my husband about this, so I already know that your thoughts have gone tilt.

Ladies, we're not excluded from this conversation...that well-dressed man that is just your type, walks into the coffee shop. He opens the door for an older lady and smiles at the cashier...you thinkin "oooh girl, he cute, educated and got manners"  Now how we jump to the conclusion that he's educated, I have no idea, but your mind has now taken you off into a fantasy.

Both scenarios seem innocent on the surface because there was no following action.  All you actually did, was look.  You had no communication with these people and your thoughts were completely private and therefore, no harm. no foul.  But did you know that if we look at someone with lustful thoughts, God looks at it as though we have cheated? (Matthew 5:28)  Why?  Because our thoughts are powerful!
My pastor taught on this subject the other week and he found that certain chemicals are released in the brain, when we have inappropriate thoughts, that indicate we've gotten pleasure from what we have just experienced.

Dang Lord, is it that deep?  YES!  I've spoken in previous posts about the importance of our thought life and how it is our job to keep them in check.  How can you do that, when you let your eyes feast on any and everything that is placed before them?

My challenge to you for the next few days is to become more aware of what and who you're looking at and meditating on. When you find yourself looking and thinking wrong thoughts (only you and God know), say the scriptures above, out loud. (I make it personal by saying, I won't look upon a man etc)  Ask the Lord to show you where you can improve in this area and be willing to do what it takes in order to do so.

Coming up Next...I'm going to recruit my husband to talk about bouncing those eyes :)

Top 3 for 2017

hashtag new year new you boo boo!
Usually, I'm excited for the new year; I am pumped to reflect on the previous year and write new goals for the next.  This year, however was different.  I struggled to identify my goals, including fitness and professional.  As a whole, I felt neutral about 2017, which was fast approaching.  Now that we're 2 days into what, I have now decided, will be the best year of my life [thus far], I have identified 3 goals for 2017!

hashtag goals
1. get knowledge, get understanding: Over the years, I've had many questions and I've accepted the answers that were given to me; in some cases, I settled for "I don't wanna know that bad" when I decided that it wasn't important enough to search it out for myself.  It has been almost 10 years since I completed post-secondary education and am currently in retail.  This has left me out of touch with cutting edge information and quite frankly, I have settled for "what's good, is good enough".  In 2017, I want my knowledge to reflect my desire... not only in fitness and nutrition but spiritual revelation, as well.  I'm committed to learning this year and to take it a step further...I'm challenging myself to share this knowledge with you and others!

2. quick to hear, slow to speak: ironically, I tend to have a delayed response in situations, which you would think is perfect for this goal... However, instead of taking the time to gather my thoughts before responding, I'll often dismiss a conversation with fillers before I've had time to process what was said. ("that's fine" "I know right" "Ok, cool")   Regardless of whether it's a positive, negative or neutral situation, I need to be present and willing to stay vested in the conversation, so I'm not re-evaluating dialogue that happened minutes, hours or even days before.  Thankfully, between my husband making me open up and talk through my feelings and my job, encouraging us to be open and direct with one another, I have been thrust into this openness called communication.  While I have grown leaps and bounds in this area, I realize that it is still a work in progress (even as of today), which is why the goal follows me into 2017.

3. cast all cares: For 2017 this simply means to lighten up - to throw off the unnecessary, internal, pressure I put on myself, and exchange my burden for Jesus', which is light and easy to be born.  I'm an observer and an internalizer (that should definitely be a word 😊), which basically translates into girl-you-think-too-much!  So I've walked into 2017 a lot lighter and I'm determined not to pick up any extra baggage along the way.

hashtag sum it up
The goal is to have something to contribute to the lives of those I love, listen for when it's appropriate to share, respond honestly AND in love, and don't worry about how it's received.  If I'm wrong, Holy Spirit will check me and I can First-John One-Nine that thing and keep it moving.

hashtag No Condemation
hashtag Happy New Year! 😉
-hismillennialhousewife

i'm just talkin about me

So, my last post was about thoughts and how important it is to take control of them.  Before posting, I read it to my husband and he said it was good (granted I did read it while he was across from me, trading at his computer).  Apparently he read it again AFTER I had posted and had feedback for me..."it just seemed cold, more instructional.  I didn't really feel a connection to you"  LOL  No he didn't!  But maybe it's because I was trying to share something personal, without giving too much information. :)

Y'all wanna feel connected to me?  Well I'm going to share what the root of my problem thought life was...LUST.

According to google, lust is described as a passionate desire for something.  Synonyms include: greed, desire, craving, covetousness, eagerness, longing, yearning, hunger, thirst, appetite. 

And I thought my issue was comparing myself to others LOL.  But remember, I said the root of the problem.  Once the Lord revealed this to me, and I started thinking about it, it did make since.  I knew that I wasn't lusting for other men or anything sexual, however, I did have lust in my heart for what other people had...for example, I would compare my body to other women.  I followed fitness enthusiasts on social media and I would covet their body parts...a nice butt, small waist and six pack abs.  I would say "I wanna look like that".  

Before I go further, let me be clear.  Having been a fitness professional and someone who enjoys working out, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to improve your health and even your body, aesthetically.  However, women on social media, friends, or people in the gym are NOT the standard for you, or me for that matter. Why?  Because you are the only you that exists and I am the only me. Therefore, you are your own standard, and our goal should be to become the best version of ourselves.

But I digress...so we got lusting after someone else's looks and as if that wasn't enough, Holy Spirit outed me on lusting for things.  I enjoy shopping.  In itself, there is nothing wrong with shopping, however it became something I longed for.  Since I've been married, me and the word budget have become very acquainted and credit cards are no longer an option for a couple who decided to live debt-free.  When I was able to shop, I wanted to get everything I could, and once I shopped, instead of being content, I only could think about the next purchases I wanted to make LOL.  I somewhat envied the girls at work who could shop whenever they wanted.  I thought about my college years of being so financial illiterate, that my swipe-now-think-later philosophy filled my closet with the latest and greatest.  

Honestly, I didn't want to go back there.  I want to be free from people, happy in my own skin, enjoy things without the things having me, and put value in what's most important (which nine times out of ten are the things that don't cost a dime).  The first step for me was to repent, for allowing myself to be carried away by the lust of the flesh and the lust and longing of the eyes...(see 1 John 2:15-17 AMP).  I was concerning myself with the things of this world.  And the word says that if you love the world, the love of the father is not in you.  

After I repented, I found a couple scriptures that I could meditate on.  The two main ones are the 1 John scripture listed above, and Galatians 5:16-26.  I read and re-read these scriptures in multiple translations and talked out how they applied to me...everyday for about a month.  I intentionally thought of these scriptures when lustful thoughts came up.  

Next, I started to un-follow girls that were a distraction to me.  The bible says that we are to guard our eyes, and how was I supposed to walk in freedom if I was constantly looking at images that made me feel inferior?  When working out in the gym, I purposely kept my eyes up rather than looking at other girls' workouts and how they looked in their lulus.  I literally felt like a man, having to bounce my eyes when someone walked by.  Can you say, stronghold?

When at work, I would be excited about my co-workers getting something new.  I wanted to see it, and I didn't get down because I couldn't get it right then.  I purposely became content with what I have.  There's nothing that I need and I even have things that I want...I was not missing out.  I made a decision to delay my gratification for what was important to me and my husband which means not being impulsive.  When I did shop, I was happy with what I got and knew that I didn't have to fret, because there would be a next time.  

I still do all these things, and I've noticed a tremendous shift in my thought life.  I check dark thoughts so much easier now; I'm aware of when they carry me away and I quickly regain control by replacing it with something positive.  This was one of the strongholds in my life and the same method can be applied to anything you may be dealing with. You just have to be open to the correction of Holy Spirit and be willing to do what it takes.  I don't claim to be where I want to be, I'm not perfect, "but I actively press on so that I may take hold of that [perfection] for which Christ Jesus took hold of me and made me his own". Philippians 3:12 AMP

Enjoy!
-hismillennialhousewife

what's on your mind?

Recently, the Lord showed me where my thoughts had gotten out of control.  When He showed me the root of what I was dealing with, I proceeded to repent, pray and search scriptures on the issue.

With any issue that we face, the word has something to say about it and as mentioned in my previous post, it is our job to find out what it says.  Once we know what the word says, we are to renew our minds by meditating on it, rather than the thoughts that the enemy wants us to focus on.  But thoughts are just thoughts, they mean nothing, right?  No, that couldn't be further from the truth.  How we think is who we become (Proverbs 23:7).  We also know that the number of thoughts that go through our minds on a given day, fall in the category of good, bad and just off LOL. For this reason, we have to be diligent about what we allow ourselves to actually think on.

You may say, "how do I know if my thoughts are contrary to God?" Continually focusing on how you don't have enough money, the man or woman in the gym, or even playing out the scenario of what you would say if someone got out of line, are examples of choosing to meditate on the wrong things.  Unchecked thoughts can lead to worry, lust, pride and fear creeping into our hearts, which is a tactic of the enemy to draw us further from God and His word. (Mark 4:18-19)

What you meditate on in your mind, gets in your heart, once it's in your heart, it's bound to come out of your mouth and be put into action...get the picture?

Okay, so what do we think on?

...Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.  Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise... Philippians 4:8

The fact that the bible says, we're not only to be aware of our thoughts, but control them, shows how capable we really are!  You have more say about what goes on in your life than you previously thought; don't be tempted to pass your bad behavior off on a "I had no control" excuse.  Examine what you've been continually putting in your ears, eyes and mind; you may find that situations you're in, are a result of giving up control and opening the door to the enemy.

The good news, is the door can be closed! So the next time your thoughts start to carry you away on a tangent, interrupt them and bring them into captivity (2 Corinthians 10:5) Make that thought line up with what the word says by saying and continually thinking on the word; then do it again and again and again.

-hismillennialhousewife

next time pray...and do it in faith

Have you ever told someone you would pray for them?  How often did you actually pray? Some Christians have diluted prayer - something that is powerful and effective [James 5:16] - down to saying grace or something as trivial as saying "bless you" when someone sneezes.

The Lord let me know that when I say I'm going to pray for someone, I need to do it.  The question that came to me was "are you saying you'll pray because it's the nice thing to do or do you really believe that a prayer in faith changes things?" I had to think about it; there have been times when I prayed for someone and I worried about it being answered.  I didn't want people to think that God wasn't good and that prayer doesn't work.  But girl, where is your faith?!  You see, prayer diluted is offered when we feel bad for someone else, when it's the "right thing" to do.  A prayer can even be initiated out of fear/worry (which we know won't amount to anything), but a prayer of faith is given when you hear something contrary to God's word and your spirit rises and says, "uh uh, that's not right"  That kind of prayer isn't concerned about what people will think, there is no wavering, only beliveing.  This prayer isn't your own words, it's simply the word of God!

I believe that this is what's missing in a lot of our prayers, the actual word...the word of God is what contains the power and our faith produces the results.  Hebrews 4:12 says the word is alive and active and sharper than any two-edged sword...; your prayer becomes alive when you use the living word.  If you don't know what the word says, find out.  Get the information you need from the prayer request and find out what the word says about the situation.  (you also have the option to pray in the spirit when you don't know what to pray and that's another blog ☺)  Then, hold on to that word; don't be moved by what you see and believe that you have it as soon as you pray [Mark 11:24].

Ex. A friend/co-worker has been worried or stress about work

A prayer that you could pray: Lord, I thank you for name.  I know that it is not your will for her to be worried because you said not to have anxiety about anything but in everything by prayer and thanksgiving to continue to make our wants known to you.  So we ask now for wisdom and favor on name's job.  Give her a spirit of excellence and help her to walk it out.  Lord, as a result of our prayer, we expect your peace to come upon name's heart and mind.  I ask you to help her to cast the care of all her concerns and anxiety, concerning work, onto you because you care for her.  We thank you that she walks in great peace in Jesus' name, Amen

Philippians 4:6-8; 1 Peter 5:6-7 

(Prayer your Foundation for Success, Kenneth Copeland)

The next time you have an opportunity to pray for someone, relish in the opportunity and privilege; pray for the person right on the spot, endeavor to do it later in your private time or add them to your prayer list...and remember to put the word on it.

-hismillennialhousewife

Outsider

From Halloween to elections; Night outs to music selections...I have, and will always be an outsider.

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb.  Before you were born I set you apart..."
Jeremiah 1:5 NLT

My life has been one of a misfit...I never quite fit in.  Don't get me wrong, I have friends and I'm not a exactly a loner but I always found myself wanting to be someone other than who I am.  Who am I?  I am a Christian who has Holy Spirit inside me, constantly challenging me to come up to His standards and perspective.  When you have that constant nudging and knowing, it's hard to do wrong...but I found a way, even if it meant doing it with my stomach in knots.  I've tried alcohol, relationships, pledging and seeking"professional" jobs, all of which had me more confused than when I started.  I did what everyone else was doing because I wanted to be like everyone else...but I'm not everyone else, and eventually I woke up.

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think..."
Romans 12:1 NLT

Over the years, I have become more serious about my Christianity and as a result, other things fell by the wayside.  Alcohol was the first to go, then sexual sin and the music, then my credit cards.  The music cut me off cold turkey from the world because I no longer could go out and blend in...I didn't know the songs playing and as I began to zone in on the words I quickly became disgusted.  I had changed.

I'm now the person that has "kingdom music" bumping during my workouts and closes her eyes when there's sex in the movie..."what a square" is what the enemy will sometimes pop in my head when I think about what my husband and I do for fun: workout, superhero movies, eat, and church LOL (it even makes me laugh typing it) But truth be told, I'm happier than I've ever been because I'm starting to accept what it truly means to be set apart...who I am.

Some of you may be thinking, "I'm a Christian and I still go out or listen to what I want to listen to and have an office job".  Great, we're all set apart for different purposes so you have to follow your own convictions.  I believe the Lord has shown me things to incorporate in and reject out of my life because I asked; I gave Him permission to challenge me.  There are things that God has revealed to others that I haven't had the revelation of yet...that's great too because we serve a merciful and loving God who requires us only to live up to what we've already attained. Phillippians 3:15-16  It's when you can truthfully answer the question below that will prep you for growth.

Does your lifestyle reflect your current spiritual knowledge?

Selah
-His Millennial Housewife

Natural, No More

10/18/16 

As my 30's rapidly approached, I began reflecting on my hair.  For the last few months, I noticed that my twist-outs weren't quite right and I became more frustrated with the task of doing my natural hair.  After trying more hairstyles in the span of 3 years than I have in my whole life, I decided to revert back to a relaxer.  Here are the reasons why this was the best choice...for me :)

1. My hair is very dense 

Last Blowout as a Natural

2. I got bored with my go to styles

3. I was putting too much stress on my edges to get the look I wanted

4. I started straightening my hair more often, however it would revert quickly

5. My workout schedule -I need to wash my hair at least once a week and it takes hours that I would prefer doing something else

6. I don't like going to bed in twists or rollers

7. My husband likes my hair straight

8. I like my hair straight

Relaxed

Of course, I know many women out there have some of the same issues, if not all the reasons that I listed and still rock their natural hair like a boss.  Relaxing my hair was a personal choice and after considering the pros and cons of both keeping my curls and going straight, it is one that I am comfortable with.  I have never appreciated my natural texture as much as I do now, AND it came to a point where I was holding on to being natural even though it was no longer conducive to my lifestyle.  

I would like to encourage you to do what's best for you. If you're on the verge of making a change, do your research and remember that your hair is a matter of preference...it doesn't define you.

-His Millennial Housewife