i'm just talkin about me

So, my last post was about thoughts and how important it is to take control of them.  Before posting, I read it to my husband and he said it was good (granted I did read it while he was across from me, trading at his computer).  Apparently he read it again AFTER I had posted and had feedback for me..."it just seemed cold, more instructional.  I didn't really feel a connection to you"  LOL  No he didn't!  But maybe it's because I was trying to share something personal, without giving too much information. :)

Y'all wanna feel connected to me?  Well I'm going to share what the root of my problem thought life was...LUST.

According to google, lust is described as a passionate desire for something.  Synonyms include: greed, desire, craving, covetousness, eagerness, longing, yearning, hunger, thirst, appetite. 

And I thought my issue was comparing myself to others LOL.  But remember, I said the root of the problem.  Once the Lord revealed this to me, and I started thinking about it, it did make since.  I knew that I wasn't lusting for other men or anything sexual, however, I did have lust in my heart for what other people had...for example, I would compare my body to other women.  I followed fitness enthusiasts on social media and I would covet their body parts...a nice butt, small waist and six pack abs.  I would say "I wanna look like that".  

Before I go further, let me be clear.  Having been a fitness professional and someone who enjoys working out, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to improve your health and even your body, aesthetically.  However, women on social media, friends, or people in the gym are NOT the standard for you, or me for that matter. Why?  Because you are the only you that exists and I am the only me. Therefore, you are your own standard, and our goal should be to become the best version of ourselves.

But I digress...so we got lusting after someone else's looks and as if that wasn't enough, Holy Spirit outed me on lusting for things.  I enjoy shopping.  In itself, there is nothing wrong with shopping, however it became something I longed for.  Since I've been married, me and the word budget have become very acquainted and credit cards are no longer an option for a couple who decided to live debt-free.  When I was able to shop, I wanted to get everything I could, and once I shopped, instead of being content, I only could think about the next purchases I wanted to make LOL.  I somewhat envied the girls at work who could shop whenever they wanted.  I thought about my college years of being so financial illiterate, that my swipe-now-think-later philosophy filled my closet with the latest and greatest.  

Honestly, I didn't want to go back there.  I want to be free from people, happy in my own skin, enjoy things without the things having me, and put value in what's most important (which nine times out of ten are the things that don't cost a dime).  The first step for me was to repent, for allowing myself to be carried away by the lust of the flesh and the lust and longing of the eyes...(see 1 John 2:15-17 AMP).  I was concerning myself with the things of this world.  And the word says that if you love the world, the love of the father is not in you.  

After I repented, I found a couple scriptures that I could meditate on.  The two main ones are the 1 John scripture listed above, and Galatians 5:16-26.  I read and re-read these scriptures in multiple translations and talked out how they applied to me...everyday for about a month.  I intentionally thought of these scriptures when lustful thoughts came up.  

Next, I started to un-follow girls that were a distraction to me.  The bible says that we are to guard our eyes, and how was I supposed to walk in freedom if I was constantly looking at images that made me feel inferior?  When working out in the gym, I purposely kept my eyes up rather than looking at other girls' workouts and how they looked in their lulus.  I literally felt like a man, having to bounce my eyes when someone walked by.  Can you say, stronghold?

When at work, I would be excited about my co-workers getting something new.  I wanted to see it, and I didn't get down because I couldn't get it right then.  I purposely became content with what I have.  There's nothing that I need and I even have things that I want...I was not missing out.  I made a decision to delay my gratification for what was important to me and my husband which means not being impulsive.  When I did shop, I was happy with what I got and knew that I didn't have to fret, because there would be a next time.  

I still do all these things, and I've noticed a tremendous shift in my thought life.  I check dark thoughts so much easier now; I'm aware of when they carry me away and I quickly regain control by replacing it with something positive.  This was one of the strongholds in my life and the same method can be applied to anything you may be dealing with. You just have to be open to the correction of Holy Spirit and be willing to do what it takes.  I don't claim to be where I want to be, I'm not perfect, "but I actively press on so that I may take hold of that [perfection] for which Christ Jesus took hold of me and made me his own". Philippians 3:12 AMP

Enjoy!
-hismillennialhousewife